In early August 2020 the following message exchange (slightly edited here for continuity) occurred between me and a dear friend of mine. The catalyst? They had seen a photo of me taken after my first hockey game in about 25 years that had been posted to social media. My face and body were clearly consumed by equal amounts of joy and pain.
Friend: “How would you feel if Hockey Australia wanted to have a
chat about your experiences with your club?”
Me: Having done nothing public of note in my life to this point,
I started to feel a little anxious.
Me: “Do you mean for research or for a case study for
publication? I’m happy either way. If it’s for publication
I just better let my club know.”
Friend: “It might be for something a bit bigger.”
Me: Ummm.
Soon I would learn that the “something a bit bigger” was that I was going to be asked if I would be prepared to meet with Hockey Australia to assist them to develop their Trans & Gender Diverse Inclusion Guidelines for community hockey. I had previously been delighted to learn in June 2019 that the Australian Sports Commission had partnered with the Australian Human Rights Commission and the Coalition of Major Professional and Participation Sports to develop and publish the Guidelines for the inclusion of transgender and gender diverse people in sport. Unbeknownst to me, though, was that several National Sporting Organisations had set about learning how to put the Guidelines into practice and develop their own trans and gender diverse inclusion guidelines … Hockey Australia was one of them. My beloved hockey was going to actively welcome trans and gender diverse people. Sublime! Of course I would help!
We met multiple times over following months using one of the many online meeting systems that blossomed in popularity during COVID times. Hockey Australia and Hockey Victoria representatives based in Melbourne were in the middle of a COVID lockdown at the time, so I had to try to not talk too much about how wonderful it was to be finally playing hockey every weekend when they were stuck in their homes.
We talked about how much joy actively including trans and gender diverse people in the gendered teams that they felt more comfortable in would bring them. I requested the insertion of specific clauses to prevent “pull down your pants so we can see” type demands. My requests were heard, understood and included. I felt safe and protected in the process.
The guidelines took a number of meetings, reedits and redrafts, but as I remember we were all happy with the finished policy. I understand that the guidelines have since been tweaked to help them align more closely with Hockey Australia policies, but that the meat and potatoes of the guidelines (available here) remain the same.
It was even more exciting to learn that the guidelines were to be collectively launched at a Pride in Sport event to be held at the Sydney Cricket Ground on 1st October, 2020.
I had settled into the notion that the launch was going to be controversial to some cohorts, but overall I expected (hoped?) the reaction on the whole would be a mixture of curiosity, confusion and acceptance. I knew that my name might be used publicly in association with the hockey guidelines, though I hoped to largely be anonymous .. that is until I was informed that there was also to be a launch video, and I had been asked to appear in it along with a cohort of other project participants.
I was both honoured and petrified to be invited to participate in the launch video. Not only my chosen name (less than 2.5 years old at the time) was going to be broadcast on the Internet, now my face would be as well. I was equal parts terrified and overjoyed, but it was a cause that I truly believed in, so I said yes. A dear friend helped calm me down enough to film my contribution at her house. Our own local lock down rules at the time dictated that we were only to leave our homes for essential business. All in all the video felt fairly essential to me. The video participants were all sent the same script which we memorised and spoke to camera. The contributions were edited to produce this piece of absolute strength, joy and power. I still cry when I watch it 4 years later.
Once my video contribution was uploaded, I decided to spend the remaining few weeks until the guidelines launch preparing emotionally for being in the spotlight and for any potential backlash. Or so I thought. A little over a week before the launch I was contacted by Pride in Sport to sound me out on speaking to camera for an ABC 7.30 segment due to go to air the night before the guidelines launch.
Coincidentally, our hockey Grand Final was to be played in a few days … a day later than 7.30 had hoped to film my interview. It meant tight editing deadlines for them but including footage from our grand final in the 7.30 segment proved too enticing. So … at the end of my first hockey season for 25 years and even longer since my last grand final, I was interviewed on the field prior to the game, much to the confusion of our opposition and most of my team as they arrived. A few of our team knew about the interview as, very new to this television caper, I had made sure I obtained permission from my team, my club and Far North Coast Hockey. It was a little inconvenient to our team, which I regret, but it was a little bit fun at the same time and if it hadn’t have turned out that way I wouldn’t have been able to experience one of my dearest friends with one of the warmest hearts I have ever encountered embrace me for the warmest, most emotional hug ever when the game was over and we realised we had won. In fact I think it must have been nominated for Hug Of The Year as 7.30 included a snippet of the hug in their program promo broadcast on ABC TV several times a day for the next year, along with footage of other notables (LOL) like Malcolm Turnbull and David Attenborough. I still weep a little when I watch the 7.30 story 4 years later.
I was invited by Pride in Sport and Hockey Australia to travel to Sydney for the launch of the Guidelines at the SCG. There were some very clever and empathetic people there and I got to meet some properly and chat casually to others. Poignant and stirring speeches were made by very passionate people. It was still COVID Time, so linking arms or touching elbows replaced the shaking of hands. Memorable photos were taken as proof that it all happened.
As the formal part of the launch event wound down, the action moved onto the SCG, through the gate that has a sign that said firmly (paraphrasing) “don’t walk through this gate” and onto the expanse of grass that looks so perfect I wondered several times if it could actually be natural grass. My dear friend from the opening paragraph leant closer and whispered in my ear “what do you think about being interviewed on camera for the ABC and SBS News tonight?” Cue the anxiety again, but even more of it. In a weird kinda way I was starting to get used to feeling minor terror, so from memory I think I said something like “if you tell me I should, I will”. He whispered back “you really should”. I nodded slowly and he led me first to the reporter standing in front of the ABC TV news camera and then the reporter standing in front of the SBS TV news camera. I think they used some of footage for their evening news bulletins, though I’m not 100% sure.
It was certainly a whirlwind few days. I’m glad I made diary entries and took photos and saved links from published stories so that I can revisit the detail and the proof that it happened. I had never been involved in something so important or public before … it was definitely the peak moment of my life thus far, and will always be near the top of my list.
Several years had passed by when in March 2023, Hockey Australia contacted me to ask if I would consider being one of their Pride Ambassadors. With Trans Day of Visibility approaching, I thought that a little more trans, ahem, visibility may well help keep the momentum going. I enthusiastically said yes. My appointment was announced on Trans Day of Visibility 2023.
Since beginning my relationship with Hockey Australia in mid 2000, there was no doubt in my mind that Hockey Australia had no intentions other than actively firming up inclusivity of trans and gender diverse people in Australian community hockey, so I suffered maximum cognitive dissonance when a Twitter user known to me pointed out in a public tweet in early July 2024 that Hockey Australia had published a survey on its website in October 2023 where it had remained for over 8 months.
The survey included a series of questionable questions phrased as if written in a transphobic frame of mind. I have included here for context the three that I found the most offensive:
- Do you think transgender people should play community hockey based on:
-
-
- Gender Identity
- Sex Assigned at Birth
- Other
- Unsure
- Would you feel comfortable competing against a transgender athlete?
- How familiar are you with the issues surrounding the inclusion of transgender athletes in sports?
-
-
- Very familiar
- Somewhat familiar
- Not very familiar
- Not familiar at all
- Not interested
The last question was the worst in my opinion. It wasn’t even softened as “how familiar do you think you are…”. There is so much hate on social media directed constantly at anybody that dares to not be born, live in and actively reinforce the gender binary. I am shocked that the writer of these questions did not stop to consider that ALL the internet’s resident bile-chuckers consider themselves experts on sex and gender. To my knowledge, the survey provided no link to relevant or appropriate resources to help educate the participants … in essence it appeared to be a secretive vox populi exercise.
After the emotionally exhausting, but invigorating, process of the Trans & Gender Diverse Inclusion Guidelines I found witnessing the questionable survey on a public facing page of the Hockey Australia website nauseating. I strongly believe that Hockey Australia would not dare survey a section of the hockey community regarding the participation of any other cohort protected from discrimination by legislation, so why they thought it a good idea to do so for trans and gender diverse people flummoxes me.
I have been informed that the survey was meant only for internal distribution to a small cohort of the hockey community and was published to their website in error. The survey was real but meant apparently only for internal not external distribution. This explanation has not resolved any of my disgust, anger or nausea.
I felt, and feel, betrayed that as a Pride Ambassador I was not consulted on, or advised of, its apparent need, its formulation, it’s existence or that it was ultimately published on their public website where it remained for over 8 months. As a Pride Ambassador I could have been well placed to assist with crafting appropriate questions to help inform a discovery process on a subject matter area that most people misunderstand and misconstrue, some deliberately.
In my opinion, at best the survey was a poorly designed and even more poorly executed attempt to gauge private opinions on the participation of trans and gender diverse people in hockey from a small cohort of the wider hockey community. At worst … well I think I’ll choose to focus on the best. I am not aware whether any members of the public participated in the survey, muddying any results obtained.
I believe it to be a fair assumption for a reasonable observer to assume that in my role of Pride Ambassador I was involved in the design, formulation and creation of the survey. I was not. This series of events sadly rendered my role as Hockey Australia Pride Ambassador untenable. To this end, I advised Hockey Australia of my resignation from my role of Pride Ambassador on 7th July 2024 effective immediately.
Nevertheless, I would like to thank Hockey Australia for allowing me to influence the first public version of the Trans & Gender Diverse Inclusion Guidelines to the extent that I did. Participating in the workshops, together with participating in the Guidelines launch process, were truly an experience of a lifetime. Leaving under these circumstances before the end of my 2 year term is so bittersweet, but the good times were so very, very good. I wish Hockey Australia well and I encourage them to do better in the future.
